just (make yourself) do it

Going to the gym, attending a religious service, editing a friend's 20 page paper, playing GI Joes with your little brother. All things that you may dread doing, but once you actually start getting engaged in doing them, you actually feel better than before. What would happen, though, if you were to actually start doing these things on your own rather than when you felt guilted into it by yourself or another?

I took that idea and ran with it - literally. If you know me or you've read my blog before (hi mom!), then you know I have an unhealthy love for bikes. But, I've never been big on running. Various complaints and excuses have been issued over the years in order to avoid it. Having recently decided to start training for triathlons, & being in love with my bike and a natural in the pool, I knew I had to face pounding the pavement.

When you think about it, running is the only sport that is actually considered another sport's punishment. But I digress.

I always felt better after a run, high on endorphins & refreshed. So I decided that in order to not only not be reluctant to lace up my Nikes and get to work but also possibly gain a love (or even just a 'like') for running, I needed to hit the streets (or the treadmill) every day. Once I became accustomed to it, being routine-oriented, I assumed it would become an essential and enjoyable part of my day.

First, I eliminated any excuses. I decided to join a gym so that "it's raining" or "it's too hot out" were moot complaints. Plus, being competitive, I'd be around other people who were also running, and therefore I'd train harder. Secondly, I did what any woman would do when trying something new- I went shopping. In my closet. For my first week at the gym, I wore my cutest workout clothes, so, at the very least, I'd be excited to change clothes to drive over there. Thirdly, I scouted out all the gyms around town. I didn't need to join somewhere that was incredibly expensive or pretentious. I didn't want to do any sort of classes, I didn't need a pool, and I definitely had no need for the pushy salesman, at one gym that will remain unnamed, who looked like he wouldn't know the difference between a treadmill and an elliptical machine, if he ever managed to venture onto one. Finally, I made a decision (which I have been incredibly happy with), signed on the dotted line, and got on the treadmill.

Starting running again after taking so much time off was difficult at first. Like I said, I hated it because it was slow (in comparison to cycling, especially) and incredibly repetitive. But one week going to the gym to run a few miles turned into a month, and now, in my second month running, I can say that I have gotten much faster with more endurance...and I'm more than happy to run every day and try to beat my personal best.

The whole experience has taught me that something that makes you feel great, even if only after you complete it, is worth the time and energy to go out of one's way to do. My life would probably be no different if I didn't go running every day, but now there's something to look forward to after work, an alternate method of training besides cycling, and just one more thing in my life that makes me happy. And there's no such thing as too much happiness.

kiss and pay up

"Are you still faint from the run? Or was it my kissing expertise?" - Edward Cullen, Twilight

As I was sipping my coffee Friday morning at work, I was perusing the entertainment headlines on Google News (after checking to see if my beloved Brewers beat the Cubs last night-they didn't) when something caught my eye: two women paid $20,000 each for a kiss on the cheek from Twilight actor Rob Pattinson.

Granted, I'm all for fake sparkly vampires and money going to charity, but $20,000 for a kiss that doesn't even involve tongue? Plus, you know those women's already slim chances of dating Rob disappeared once he knew them as the crazies who shelled out 20 grand for the kind of kiss you'd give your grandma.

But, after the initial shock passed, I wondered why I was surprised at all. Celebrity crushes in general are ridiculous. There was a time in my teens that I would have paid that much money (if I had it, which I didn't and don't if I want to eat and pay rent) for a kiss from none other than *N Syncer Lance Bass. That's right. The "gay one." Who actually did turn out to be gay. I was in loooooooooove with Lance (or so I thought). Posters on my wall, pictures in my locker, names with hearts drawn around it on every square inch of paper in every color of gel pen, and a cardboard cutout of him that now resides in a closet in our basement (no pun intended). Looking back, this probably was a very blatant portent of my future. Ever since, I generally dated metrosexual (umm, closeted) guys. And I definitely have a poster of Anderson Cooper on my wall (what? I'm a journalism major! it's legit). My last serious boyfriend (ok, at 21, my only serious boyfriend) had the same trademark blonde hair, deep voice, and desire to be around boys who like boys that Lance has. Yeah, I'm not sure why I wonder why it didn't work out...

Back to the subject at hand: why do we like celebrities? Sure, they're attractive, but no hotter than the guy at the gym I always stare at while I pedal my heart out on the stationary bike (I could watch him run for hours, which is prob why my calves look especially great ever since I joined). They're wealthy, but there are plenty of rich guys whose photos we wouldn't wallpaper our room with (unless Bill Gates or Larry Page is really your type...). We don't really know their personalities besides what the tabloids and bloggers tell us to think, so that reason is out - or is it?

It's so true! We love and hate our celebrities based on their supposed "personalities." My coworker even chastised me for playing Chris Brown music after the Rihanna-beating debacle went down. Think about it: they need us. Not in a way that Matt Damon is going to call me if he's having a bad day and just needs to vent about how Ben Affleck can just be so self centered sometimes, but in a way that we, collectively, make or break them. If we don't pay attention to them, good or bad, the paparazzi and entertainment execs can't make money off of them. Why are there so few pictures of Megan Fox pre-plastic surgery circulating (c'mon, don't tell me you thought she was all real)? Because no one cared about her back then! In her case, hotness trumps personality, therefore it's easier to assume she's a good person. The Jonas Brothers, purity rings and all, just must be good people because they are products of the Disney channel. Speaking of Disney alum, you have to admit there are still a lot (MILLIONS) of people willing to pay good money to see Britney Spears despite her ups and downs. People are praying for her, and she's stayed pretty blameless when it has come to her personal problems (bad influences caused her to get involved in boozing, drugs, and toxic relationships...it couldn'tve been her own free will that caused her to marry Kevin Federline).

As a society, we have created and destroyed these people. The public is fickle, we can fall in and out of love with celebrities at a rate more alarming than Oprah's yo yo dieting. Our money, our ideas of what's attractive or humorous or morally acceptable have shaped exactly how celebrities act (or how their PR agents tell them to act). Jon and Kate and their litter of puppies (I'm sorry, but having 6 children at once is not only irresponsible, it's also kinda gross) go from being regaled and reviled almost hourly! It's commonly acceptable for an athlete/rapper/washed up TV star to say something offensive and/or stupid (or get arrested if you're a Cincinnati Bengal). We are initially indignant, but forgive and forget their trangressions once the case/hype is over. Only when a celeb does something we consider "out of character" are we surprised, and we are often quick to sympathize with them and forget their malfeasance if they are one of the "good guys." The bad boys and girls have it easy, because, if Lindsay Lohan or Colin Farrell gets a(nother) DUI, the public considers it just another day. The personalities we give them are static, however, and it's not surprising that so many celebs have trouble maintaining stable relationships with the identity crises they must face weekly.

That said, I don't feel too bad for them. Yes, we giveth and taketh away reputations. But, back to the ubiquitous Rob Pattinson. He didn't even have to work for his stellar reputation as an insanely handsome, good hearted, sigh-inducing gift to women everywhere. Don't lie, you wouldn'tve noticed that skinny kid who needs to wash his hair before he was a vamp. By accepting the role in Twilight, he immediately won hearts worldwide despite the fact that he is, in fact, NOT Edward Cullen. Not only do vampires not exist, but, even if they did, Edward Cullen is a fictional one (unless Stephenie Meyer is holding out on us). If Rob were to kill a puppy in broad daylight in public, I think Twilighters would find an excuse to justify it as a humane act, as disturbing as that is. And although we give them their public personalities (and because of that, provide their livelihood), it is important to keep in mind: What Rob is actually like in his private life, secret puppy killer or not, will only be known to those close to him.

Which, those two women who paid 20 grand, will never have the apparent honor of being, grandma kiss or not. But, I guess, they will have a great story to tell their kids about how they wasted money that could've gone toward college tuition...or been spent on something very sparkly that is acutally real.

to dye for

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye." - Miss Piggy

Well, I'd like to inform all of you that I have decided to go through with it. Not without reservations, of course. But I am going to commit the cardinal sin of going from brunette to blonde. Not bleach blonde, mind you, but more of a Jennifer Aniston brown-blonde that will brighten up not only my visage but hopefully also my mood.
That's right, you heard me. My hair color is going to change my personality...sort of.
Dying one's hair may seem like a simple change to you (especially if you are male), but its implications are, in fact, numerous. Just think about it: if you've heard one blonde joke, you've heard them all. And although there may not be that many (if any) brunette or redhead jokes out there, there are definitely stereotypes. "Hot headed redhead" or "mousy brunette" are two of the many (some even contradictory) characterizations that come to mind. You can't escape the fact that when you are describing someone, hair color is one of the first things that comes to mind. Many guys have even told me that they are only attracted to girls with certain haircolors. Yet, it means so much more beyond being a defining adjective of tangible features.

After facing hardships or life-changing events, people often feel the need to change their view of both themselves and the world. Someonewhere in this identity crisis, people want to change what they see in the mirror everyday. The last year has been nothing short of tumultuous for me, but I will be the first to say that I am happy with my looks. As an athletic, energetic blue-eyed brunette, I have lived the last 21 years to the fullest, through the triumphs and the tragedies. But I think it's time to give the color a rest, for a few weeks or a few months and try to develop both a new look & outlook.

You may ask, why blonde? Truth is, I have always been fascinated by blondes. They've captained the cheerleading squad, charmed employers, stolen boyfriends from me, and are known stereotypically as "having more fun." Who doesn't love fun? Yes, I have friends who are blonde, and I know that not all blondes are the stereotypical peppy, outgoing, sexy image that media (and some real-life blondes themselves) even promote. Despite my happiness with my looks, part of me always wanted to experience the life of Malibu Barbie...or at least her sun-kissed locks.

Superficial? Maybe. But what's important to keep in mind is that whether or not the change makes me look (or feel) attractive or awful, renewal of confidence or reappearance of insecurities is not due to the color itself. It all comes back to my perception of myself. I've looked at plenty of those "What does your hair color say about you?!" web sites to know that no matter what color your hair is (brown, red, pink, blue, green, etc) it's up to you to make the actual life changes. My mini identity crisis is not going to be solved by a trip to the salon, although it's a step in the right direction if it boosts my confidence further.

Plus, it is, in the end, just hair: if I don't like it, I can always dye it back.
By the way...how many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
One: she holds the lightbulb & the world revolves around her.
(Sorry. Couldn't resist)

txt me, i'll txt you

My parents received a rather hefty package in the mail last week. It was my cell phone bill. And it was 70 pages long.

Now, this incredible length had nothing to do with any actual speaking on the phone. It was not from phone calls to friends who were studying abroad, not from long talks with my brother who is a med student at Yale, not even from millions of calls to & from the hundreds of friends, foe, and family in my address book. The culprit of the commodious bill was one offender & one offender only: texting. In the span of time in which my mom sent 400 texts, I had managed to send over 4,000 of these 158-character missives.

Which brings me to wonder why, in a day and age when we (I know I'm not the only one) are so easily accessible to one another, why human beings still lack the actual necessary skills to effectively communicate.

Don't get me wrong. We can still form sentences - although in some cities, due to instant message and text shorthand schools are finding much to their dismay that their younger students cannot write at their grade level - and we can still say such sentences out loud to another. Talking itself is difficult enough to interpret. I can't tell you how many times I've debated with friends what exactly that cute guy from poli sci meant when he said he'd call later (Would he or wouldn't he? He wouldn't say he would if he wasn't going to...Maybe he was just trying to be nice? Or maybe he just wants to study, he didn't mean I'll call you call you...) We still wonder whether or not a compliment on our sweater or English paper was really genuine. We aren't sure whether "I'll see you at 9" means 9...or 9:30 (or, with some people, 10).

In fact, texting makes it even more difficult to tell what a person is actually saying to us. We can't see the expression on their faces or the tell tale hand gestures that imply either a joke or completely seriousness. Sometimes, due to autocorrect spelling, even the sender doesn't communicate the exact words they planned on saying. Even more troubling, in some cases, is that we aren't even sure who the sender actually is. Sure, we know the phone number, but anyone in my house could pick up my phone and send a message to anyone in my address book while I'm in the shower (Desperate Housewives, anyone?).

In a world of interconnectedness and supposed openness, however, the only thing we even have the ability to control is our own reaction upon receiving these messages. Whether or not we get upset over something meant as silly but taken as a statement is entirely up to us.

So I guess nothing about communication has changed with texting - besides the ability to reach one another no matter how far away or busy we are. Because even if I am able to read a text from a potential suitor during a meeting at work, I'm still going to wonder if "ttyl" means "a few hours later" or "a few days later" or, quite possibly, "never."

king me, baby

"Always walk around like you have on an invisible tiara." - Paris Hilton

The phrase "high maintenance" and I are not strangers. I have been referred to as such, as well as a litany of other phrases (a personal favorite being "Jewish American Princess") by various friends, boyfriends, and family members. But, living in a world where those in power are those who know what they want & subsequently seek it out, what's wrong with being a little bit demanding now and then?

Don't get me wrong. I am definitely not a Veruca Salt character, demanding to have the best anything and everything before anyone else does. That aside, I know what nice things are, and, to put it quite simply, I like nice things. If you think this means I dress solely in designer brands, then you probably will be disappointed to find out that 80% of my outfit generally comes from Target or Old Navy. When it comes to fashion & accessorizing, the most important thing to me is knowing what good taste and style is and being able to replicate it on the cheap. And sure, it might take me several hours to get ready in the morning, but I have never heard a complaint about what I walk out of the house looking like (from anyone except my mother, she's extra picky sometimes). If time is the bigger investment I make in getting ready, rather than the clothes themselves, then it's my capital to spend how I want. However, that doesn't mean I'm going to settle for a .5 carat diamond engagement ring either. Big ticket items such as that are an entirely different story...

Another component of my supposed snob status is apparently that I know how I wish to be treated by others, and I'm not afraid to tell them so. In return, I do my best not to have a double standard in regards to how I treat others. It's important to me to explicitly state what I expect from others, because if I do so, then there is little room for error. This leads to less chance for confrontation. If everyone did this, a lot of misunderstandings and anger could be wholly avoided. How hard is it to not do something you've been warned not to do? Even if you may find it a bit trying, I can tell you that it's a lot easier than trying to just guess what lines you can't cross.

Finally, the last reason why others may see me as "too much:" my confidence. Sometimes it's mere bravado, but generally I have a high opinion of myself. Some would refer to this as arrogance. True, one of my weaknesses is that I can't walk by a mirror without looking in it - but that's so that I can fix my hair, not gaze at my own beauty. To be honest, I have the exact same insecurities as any 21-year-old co-ed. I'm just better at internalizing or hiding it. If you talk the talk, it's much easier to walk the walk. I was never one to sit in the shadows and wait for life to happen to me, and even if I'm having a bad day, I can usually convince myself of something good about myself. There's so much to love about life, and it's easier to love anything or anyone if you start with loving yourself. I have been known to respond to compliments from guys with "I know" instead of "thank you," but come on, as flattering as whatever compliment it is, it's just a line in a bar. Experience has taught me not to depend upon others to build up my own self esteem or confidence, and therefore I often self affirm.

If caring about how I look, am treated by others, and liking myself make me seem a little finicky or aloof at times, so be it. Setting the bar high merely means that I never will settle. And, if not settling makes someone high maintenance, that means that every beautiful, respected, and confident girl thinks she is a princess. In that case, go ahead and crown me, because I love who I am - and I'm certainly not going to change for anyone.

post game wrap up

"Whoever said, 'It's not whether you win or lose that counts,' probably lost." - Martina Navratilova

As finals approach and the semester draws to a close, many college students can't help but wonder how time passed so quickly, and I am no different. Over the course of the last two semesters, a lot has occurred, and being the competitive personality that I am, I have definitely kept score. So how will my junior year be marked down in this chapter of my life, as a victory or defeat? I've never worked harder in my life on anything before this year, whether it be academics, athletics, or relationships. All three have been incredibly tumultuous as well as taxing in their own right.

Classes this year have been harder than ever. Statistics quickly became the bane of my existence; the combination of numbers, letters, hypotheses, and graphs at often times seems like an entire other language to me. Yet, I also took the most rewarding course in my entire academic history. For those of you attending IU, journalism majors or otherwise, I recommend J349, Public Relations writing, with Jim Parham. Beyond merely a writing class, Jim restored my confidence in my writing as well as expanded my repertoire of types of pieces I was capable of producing, from speeches to emulation pieces to crisis plans. A lot of my work from that class is showcased on this blog. In fact, I doubt I would have even written this blog if not for this class. A man who has met many people and done a lot of admirable things throughout his life as well as the current COO of Hirons, a major PR agency, Jim showed me so many different facets of the PR industry. He also was unafraid to constructively criticize and give our class the kick in the ass we needed to bring out the best in ourselves and reflect it in our writing. Thanks to him, I not only have a portfolio I am proud of to show potential employers, but also the confidence to believe that I have the skills & talent to achieve the job of my dreams.

However, not all dreams came to fruition this year. I did not ride in the Little 500 race, as I had been planning since last year. However, cycling has played a major role in my life in the last year, especially when it comes to dealing with stress, so I am definitely not giving it up. In fact, I have begun training to be a triathlete. The cross training will definitely help me not only stay in shape but become a better athlete in all three sports. It will also give me a great outlet for extra energy as well as a way to deal with any anxiety.

As for relationships...I'm not sure where to start. I thought I had it all in August, and quickly the relationships with those I loved deteriorated. At one point last semester, I was unable to carry on a conversation with anyone close to me without arguing. Following an admittedly messy breakup with a questionable boyfriend, I decided to reevaluate and reprioritize. Since then, I have become much closer with my parents & brother. Home in Indianapolis has become more than a place for me to run away to when the going gets tough in Bloomington. I love and appreciate my family for giving me the time to work out what I needed to and a second chance to show them that I do care about them very much. New friendships have been formed back on campus, and I am thankful and blessed to have the wonderful people I now surround myself with.

It's exhausting to try to recall all of my memories from over the last school year. I am not really sure whether I laughed more or cried more. I don't know how exactly many quizzes I failed or tests I passed, friends I made or friends I lost, personal records I broke or times I could not beat. But really? I can't argue with the results. Any way you add up my triumphs & tragedies from the last few months, you get winning results: lessons learned, new goals to strive for, and being lucky enough to have the most amazing people in the world to celebrate future victories with.

(wo)man up

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. -Charlotte Whitton

The other day, I was browsing at Borders for an inspiring book to write my last book report on for a class, and a particular title caught my eye: Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office: 101 Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers. Written by Lois P. Frankel, president of a consulting firm that specializes in leadership development, the book contains many useful hints for women to put aside "being a girl" and becoming a more powerful woman, and therefore an asset to their companies. Already halfway through the instructive & inspirational read, there was one theme and fact that really surprised me: even in this advanced age of modernity, there is still a glass ceiling that women must break through in order to be as successful as they want to be.

According to Frankel, "women still earn only 72% of the salaries earned by their male counterparts ...and are more likely to be overlooked for promotions to senior levels of their organizations." I feel incredibly naive for believing that the idea of women as less valuable to firms than men was either a thing of the past or at the very most, an antiquated idea only existing in less advanced rural areas. However, this is incredibly untrue.

In an age where men think it is socially acceptable for a woman to ask them on a date, many male employers don't find it within acceptable limits for a woman to ask for a raise. Modern men believe it is ok to loosen up on chivalrous acts, however when a woman takes charge, she is called a bitch. Men want to make more money than their counterparts of both sexes but call women who are attracted to successful (and therefore often wealthy) men gold diggers.

The battle of the sexes is nothing new, but it seems to have taken on a fresh angle. Yes, things have changed. Women have advanced far beyond the kitchen, although I have to give housewives credit for all of the work they do as well. There are many more opportunities, employment or otherwise, for women than there were even 50 years ago. For that, I am thankful. But, when it comes to an employer interviewing for a job, will they pick the more experienced, but fat girl, or the less accomplished skinny girl with a charming smile? Both of us know it is the latter, because if it weren't, dietitians would be out of business. It's more difficult to be job-searching female: not only do you have to be smart, but you also have to be pretty, charming, socially adept...the list goes on and on. When you think of a male CEO, though, I bet you picture a fat guy smoking a cigar who spends his day ordering people around.

So, what should women think of all of this inevitable inequality? I'm not exactly sure what to tell my gender; I definitely would not label myself 'feminist' in any sense of the word. (Quick side story: when taking stagecraft in high school, I actually did employ the phrase "I am weak and female!" to trick guys into carrying heavy things for me. No worries, though, I was a pro with the power drill & nail gun.)

But, all joking aside, here is the conclusion I draw: If men want to underestimate me, then by all means, that's their prerogative. I cannot change how people think, but what I can do - and do well - is prove my value and exceptional capabilities over and over again, despite obstacles. It will make me stronger as a person as well as employee. When it is time for my raise, I won't be afraid to not only ask for but also demand what I deserve. No matter what roadblocks there are, gender-related or otherwise, one must always overcome in order to excel, and I am unafraid of hard work, innovation, and, subsequently, success.

No matter where you go, as a woman, there will always be people with preconceived notions who stand in your way. I believe that Frankel is onto something, in encouraging women to avoid being seen as the office doormat or corporate housewife. However, I differ on one point: I am willing to let them think I am just a little girl. It's much more fun when they are surprised that little girls are capable of big accomplishments. The glass ceiling may be still in existence, but it's nothing that a smart, strong-willed female can't shatter with a well-placed kick by a Manolo-stiletto-clad foot.

more money, more problems

(a true story, written in fall 2008 for J200 class)

Some students complete an assignment the day it is given and never look at it again. Some students write and rewrite. Some students procrastinate until the day or hour before it is due, frantically typing away up until the last minute. And for some students, the only writing involved is the signing of a check.
“It’s always more fun to do someone else’s homework,” IU sophomore Emily Moore* said. “So why not make a profit from doing it?”
Although at the request of the student interviewed for the article, an alias is used, nothing else describing this business venture and its inner workings at IU is untrue.
Moore, a business major, and two of her close friends, built their current endeavor upon writing papers for other students for a profit.
“I know, technically, it’s plagiarism probably, but everything we write is originally ours,” Moore said. “Basically, people give us the paper topic, and we go to the library and get to work.”
Associate Dean for Undergraduate Studies Bonnie Brownlee would not necessarily call Moore and her partners’ actions plagiarism, although she does believe that their business is ethically wrong.
“I would call it academic dishonesty,” Brownlee said. “There are different kinds of academic misconduct …I have a difficult time believing that a student can get to this university believing that cheating in any way is appropriate.”
Moore is well aware that what she is doing is wrong, but to her, the ends justifies the means.
“I look at it as helping someone out who needs it,” she said. “I did this all through high school, and I didn’t even consider starting up in college again until someone begged me to help them write a paper. Eventually that night it turned into a cash transaction, and me writing the whole thing for him.”
According to Moore, the student she helped referred her to other students, and the business began to snowball quickly into a venture with over twenty clients.
“Eventually I asked some other people I trusted to help, and here we are,” she said. “I’m not really proud of it, and I’m not sure if I want to do it next year, but I haven’t been caught yet.”
Brownlee believes that this escaping of responsibility is what leads students to continuously cheat.
“Students don’t imagine they’ll get caught,” Brownlee said. “Some have done this their whole lives. Students are not dumb about this, they know what they are doing.”
In the Code of Student Rights, Responsibilities, and Conduct, the Indiana University Faculty Council states that students may be disciplined for several different kinds of academic misconduct, which include: cheating, fabrication, plagiarism, interference, and violation of course rules.
Yet at $20 a page for a three page paper with three days’ advance notice, Moore and her team turn out a profit of about $900 a week, and Moore believes that this is more than enough compensation for the threat of judicial action.
“It’s pretty lucrative, and since we sometimes work together on the papers, we just split among us whatever we make at the end of the week,” Moore said.
Moore is using her personal share of the money to pay for her education.
“College is really expensive, and since I’m from out of state, it can all add up including trips home,” she said. “Since I have to pay for it myself, I figured I could put my skills to use.”
Moore combines her writing skills and her business savvy in order to make sure that her enterprise is not only prolific but also secure.
“We make take on a lot of papers sometimes too many to handle, but we always get them done,” Moore said. “But we’re not too worried about getting caught, we’re very careful.”
Careful means to Moore setting guidelines and rules in order to ensure that the system she has created isn’t abused.
“No lie, we like the money,” Moore said. “But I don’t want to be a ‘paper whore,’ so we put some rules in place on a contract that you have to sign.”
Included in the rules are that the writers must be given at least one day’s notice before the assignment is due, depending upon the length of the paper as well as the topic. Prices vary due to subject matter, length, how long the team has to write it, as well as how ‘dangerous’ of a paper it is to write.
“I really do not like writing papers that are submitted online,” Moore said. “Sometimes I’ll turn down those papers because although I don’t plagiarize, I’d hate for turnitin.com to catch something and start a whole investigation.”
Although the Internet has made it easier for professors to catch students cheating, it has also made it much easier for students to cheat as well, according to Brownlee.
“More recently, a lot of what I have seen is a student downloading something from the web,” Brownlee said. “Students are using Wikipedia and inserting it in a paper or news story.”
Vice chair internal of Duke University honor council and Duke judicial board member Jason Brown agrees with Brownlee.
“A lot of cases we receive, about 70% actually, have to do with plagiarism,” he said. “And most of them are taking stuff off the web. Students use the excuse that they didn’t know what the rules were exactly.”
In order to ensure that the students are aware of the rules, both universities have different ways of making sure that students are informed.
“There’s a freshman plagiarism tutorial that’s new this year,” Brown said. “All freshman are required to take it as part of their writing 20 class, which is a required class.”
Beyond students reading the rules themselves, however, professors often go over them in class.
“Everyone who teaches talks about credibility,” Brownlee said. “Yet there is a culture of people who don’t give a damn.”
Brown believes that the types of students more likely to cheat are actually the ones most involved around campus.
“A lot of what I see is kids that are overwhelmed,” he said. “They’re kids who take too much on and feel like they have run out of time for things and look for an easy way out despite that they are usually hard workers.”
Moore considers herself to be such a student.
“Yeah, I work hard, otherwise I wouldn’t be where I am, getting good grades,” she said. “However, I never take on more of other people’s assignments than I can handle. Otherwise, when would I find the time to do my own?”

*names have been changed

more than just the spandex

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." - Winston Churchill

Growing up, my parents encouraged me to become involved in as many activities as possible. However, they gave me one caveat: Once I chose to start something, I was never allowed to quit until the season or year was over.

When I was a feisty tomboy who wanted to grow up to be just like her older brother, it was sports for me: figure skating, Little League baseball and later softball. Once I got to middle school, my creativity and obsessive organization guided my extracurricular choices: Student Council secretary, yearbook, literary magazine, drama club, and several academic competition teams. After that, the second I set foot in high school and joined a class of over 800, I was determined to find my niche. Between being a member of varsity speech team, serving on Student Council executive board, being selected as a managing editor of the newspaper, acting in several plays, and being picked to co-chair for the National Honor Society's Riley Children's Hospital fundraising concert, I probably spent more time at North Central than I did at home.

However, after graduating high school, I wanted to go somewhere bigger. 800 seemed like a small number to me, and so I came to Indiana University, where the student population as a whole was about 40,000. Students from all 50 states, and according to various campus websites, over 130 countries, inhabit this beautiful campus and attend classes in the same buildings, walk down the same paths, and visit the same hangouts as I do. And I was determined to find my way and get to know as many of them as possible.

Sorority rush was not a choice to me. My high school had had a sorority, and despite its questionable reputation, I was jealous of the bond that the girls had shared. Right away, I signed up for the intensive recruitment process, visiting all 19 on-campus sorority houses. I braved the cold outdoors for two days, in between each house checking my makeup in my mirror to make sure my eyeliner hadn't smeared, that my ponytail was as perky as my personality, and that my smile was just as white as it had been at the last chapter. When I returned early from winter break & received a list of houses that had chosen to invite me back, I went through the same process again and again, narrowing the field of possibilities, until finally I found the perfect fit. I was incredibly lucky, because the perfect fit also found me.

Sigma Delta Tau has been one of the greatest and yet often most trying experiences of my life. It soon became more than a social activity to me, throughout pledgeship I formed a bond with girls I probably would never have known without the house. Living (and sleeping in) the same room with about 80 other girls has filled my time here at IU with more wonderful experiences than one can hope to get in a lifetime: getting together to write a pledge class song, putting on skits for one another, painting sidewalks of fraternities for homecoming & Little 500, attempting intramural sports, late nights spent talking when we were supposed to be studying, watching Gossip Girl or Grey's Anatomy on the big red couch, Jiffy Treet runs when we can't fight those late-night ice cream cravings. Hand in hand with the great memories are also the not-as-wonderful ones: elections at chapter that seem unbearably long, gossip and secrets traded between sisters that hurt (but are meaningless a week later), ever-changing friendships, and mandatory events that happen to go late the night before a big test. Never before had I ever wanted to be a part of something...that at times, I also just wanted to quit. And every time I called up my mom jubilant over being elected fundraising chair or excited for a formal, there was also a time I called her crying over catty, unnecessary drama.

Don't get me wrong - these girls are amazing. But put 80 women together in one house, and you will understand my point. So, despite being in the house, I needed to find something else, beyond the norm, to feel truly comfortable. I wanted something of my own to help me find peace when I could not handle my day - sorority-induced drama or otherwise. And that is how I discovered cycling.

I'm in no way a great cyclist. My friend Mike calls me 'Lance Armstrong with a ponytail,' but don't believe him, my ITTs are far from impressive, and half the time I ride with him, I end up too out of breath to actually be able to ask him to slow down. But on a campus that looks forward every year to the Little 500 cycling race, which, despite the name, is in no way a small occurrence, I love the time I spend on two wheels, speeding down a street, up a hill, or around the track. Less than 1% of the student body even rides in Little 500, so it has been an honor to even train for it. Every time I am stressed out, overwhelmed, disappointed, or confused, I can find solace on my bike. Even after my 28 year old cousin unexpectedly passed away last February, when I didn't want to get out of bed to drag myself to class, I made sure to show up to track times to complete my Little 500 rookie hours. After my boyfriend of eight months dumped me finals week last semester, I logged a lot of hours at the gym on the stationary bike, and I credit my phenomenal finals test grades to working through my confusion and anger on the bike. Yet biking is not reserved solely for sad times, I am an enthusiastic and energetic co-ed, and sometimes I need somewhere to expend my energy. It's fun to discover new trails around Bloomington, to try to beat my last time up Boltinghouse Hill, and to enjoy an afternoon outside biking with friends. I have gotten to know many riders and feel a part of an acitivity that is integral to this campus's culture.

With the Little 500 race less than a month off, I'm not sure if I will be selected to be one of the final members on my sorority's team of 4. But I am sure that I will always have cycling in my life. It has helped me help myself and also given me a great amount of joy. Through it, I have been able to center and balance in order to make the sorority house a real home, work through my problems, celebrate my success, and comfort my sorrows. It's crazy to imagine that a simple hunk of titanium and rubber is what persuades me to never quit or despair. Yet, when I think about it, cycling actually encourages me to find the strength within myself, so that no matter what happens, I can tell myself to not give up.

things i should tell myself more often

Luck is believing you're lucky. - Tennessee Williams

Being a junior in college has its advantages as well as its drawbacks. On one hand, you're still enjoying an era of academic predictability & good times, and on the other, you are trying to plan for a future, or as your professors will call it: THE REAL WORLD. Everyone at this age is discussing their past & present, picking and choosing which moments have made them or will make them into who they are supposed to be.

Scary! The real world implies that everyone has been living in an almost alternate reality for the last four years, and that everything that is out 'there' is out to get us. At least, that's how some of my peers feel. They are afraid they won't find a job, a spouse, a nice house with a white picket fence & two car garage. They are worried that there is nothing out there for them after four years of blue books, Beirut, and basic irresponsibility.

On the other hand, there are those who can't wait to get out of this little college town. They see the entire world open to them and filled with countless opportunities and can't wait to get out there and show what they're made of. College was a great time for them to grow and figure out who they are (& possibly learn a thing or two in class along the way), but once they are handed that diploma, they are going to get out there & change the world.

Having recently decided to move west, into the unknown, after graduation, I definitely identify with the latter group. My campus experiences have been both wonderful and, at times, seemingly abysmal, but they have come together to make me into the type of person that others can respect & count on. Social skills come to me with ease, so I will have no problem meeting people wherever I go. Also, as cliche as it may be, I also want to change the world in my own way.

However, I am also already getting nostalgic. I will miss the sorority socials, the comfortable predictability of showing up to lecture to absorb information, and being unable to walk down the street without running into at least five people I know. IU has become a second home for me, and although I have traveled throughout my experiences here, I always return home to campus. Once I no longer have a Bloomington address, I want to believe that the comfortable feeling I have here won't change, but I'm not exactly sure where life will take me...

All in all, while I believe it is important to be both excited for the future and appreciative of the past, it is MOST important to be enthusiastic and involved in the present. I am so happy right now, in my sorority girl/journalism major/tourism management guru/little 500 cycling team member/friend/sister/runner/sucker for a good cause volunteer/daughter roles. Such vive can't be measured; being content is not about my GPA, love life (or lack thereof), miles run and biked, or even the number of Facebook friends I have. As college is coming to a close, I often have to remind myself to keep my mind on the present, because that is the one thing I can attempt to change or control as well as simply enjoy!

So - get out there, whether you are a freshman, a senior, or an alum. Do something that makes you happy, surround yourself with people you love, and don't ever forget that what you do today can make how you feel tomorrow infinitely better! Worrying, as any Jewish mother (like mine) can tell you, only gets you so far. Learn from your past, look forward to your future, but live as fully as possible in the now! Show up to your own life and take part in it, instead of longing for or regretting the past or hiding from or yearning for the future. You may call me lucky to have arrived at the place of happiness I am at now, but it's taken me 21 years of victories and failures to get to this state of mind. I look forward to 21+ more years. But, with that said, I'm just as excited for the next 21 minutes!

mock pitch letter assignment

Megan Brown
meb2@umail.iu.edu
317.xxx.xxx
Special to: Sarah Bloom, Indiana Daily Student

Sarah,

I recently read your article in the Indiana Daily Student regarding Gov. Mitch Daniels’ plans for a highway infrastructure stimulus project. I thought you might be interested in attending the Annual Governor’s Luncheon on Thursday, March 26, where Daniels will speak about this project as well as other issues important to IU students.

The luncheon will take place at the Bloomington/Monroe County Convention Center and will be from noon to 1:30 pm. General admission tickets are $45, and chamber members’ tickets are $35. Registration opens March 26 at 11:30 a.m. Questions are reserved for chamber members only, however there will be an opportunity for photographs of the governor before he speaks.

Daniels will be addressing topics ranging from new changes at IU in both the athletic department as well as the university budget to construction projects on campus as well as throughout Indiana. He will also be discussing recent education issues, such as department funding and the opening of new departments.

I strongly encourage you to cover and attend this event; Daniels will be addressing issues that the IDS and IU student body is concerned with daily.

To reserve your ticket, you may call the Chamber at: 812.336.6381.

I look forward to speaking with you further! Please contact me on my cell phone (317.xxx.xxxx) or e-mail me at meb2@umail.iu.edu to further discuss this notable and informational event.

Sincerely,


Megan Brown

obama healthcare speech

Another great assignment we had was to write a speech for Obama on healthcare: limit 400 words, had to be in the style of previous speeches on the same topic. Enjoy...It's in speech style, therefore all caps, sorry.

FIRST OF ALL, I WOULD LIKE TO THANK ALL OF YOU AT INDIANA UNIVERSITY FOR INVITING ME TO COME SPEAK TODAY ON A TOPIC CLOSE TO MY HEART. THE UNITED STATES IS CURRENTLY IN A PERIOD OF ECONOMIC REAWAKENING. WHILE WE ARE REVIVING THE ECONOMY, WE MUST ALSO RESTORE THE HEALTHCARE SYSTEM. HEALTHCARE IS A LONG-TERM INVESTMENT IN OURSELVES AND FUTURE GENERATIONS THAT MUST BE TAKEN MORE SERIOUSLY. I HAVE INVITED HERE TODAY 17 YEAR OLD BILLY AND HIS FAMILY. I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE THEIR STORY WITH YOU.

BILLY LIVES AN HOUR OUTSIDE OF THIS CAMPUS. HIS FATHER WORKS FOR THE STATE POWER COMPANY, OFTEN RISKING HIS LIFE TO LEAN OUT OF A HELICOPTER IN RAINSTORMS TO REPAIR POWER LINES. HIS MOTHER WORKS IN THE LOCAL TEXTILE FACTORY. THEIR FAMILY IS VERY CLOSE KNIT, BILLY’S FATHER COACHED HIS SON’S LITTLE LEAGUE BASEBALL TEAM, AND BOTH PARENTS WERE PROUD WHEN THEIR SON MADE THE VARSITY TEAM AS A FRESHMAN. BILLY IS ALSO AN ACADEMIC ALL-STAR AND ALWAYS DREAMED OF GOING TO MEDICAL SCHOOL TO BECOME A DOCTOR. HE IS ALSO A FUTURE MEMBER, UPON RECEIVING HIS ACCEPTANCE TODAY, OF THE IU CLASS OF 2013.

HOWEVER, THEIR WORLD WAS TURNED UPSIDE DOWN LAST YEAR WHEN BILLY WAS DIAGNOSED WITH LEUKEMIA. LUCKILY, IT WAS CAUGHT BEFORE IT SPREAD TO HIS CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM, BUT HE HAS HAD TO UNDERGO NUMEROUS TREATMENTS, INCLUDING BONE MARROW TRANSPLANTS AND CHEMOTHERAPY. THESE TREATMENTS HAVE BEEN SUCCESSFUL THUS FAR, BUT THE COST OF HEALTH CARE AS WELL AS HEALTH INSURANCE ITSELF HAS LEFT HIS FAMILY BANKRUPT. BILLY’S PARENTS ARE AFRAID THAT THE MORE THEY GO INTO DEBT, THE MORE UNLIKELY IT IS THAT THEY WILL EVEN BE ABLE TO FIND A PROVIDER TO INSURE THEM. THERE IS NO MONEY LEFT FOR ANYTHING EXCEPT MEDICAL BILLS, NOT EVEN HEAT LAST WINTER. AND EVEN THE MEDICAL BILLS ARE REMAINING UNPAID.

BILLY AND HIS FAMILY ARE NOT THE ONLY AMERICANS WHO HAVE BEEN LEFT OUT IN THE COLD BY THIS INJUSTICE. PEOPLE ALL OVER OUR GREAT COUNTRY ARE UNABLE TO FIND HELP WHEN THEY NEED IT. 45 MILLION AMERICANS ARE UNINSURED, BUT IT IS NOT THEIR FAULT. INSURANCE COMPANIES HAVE CONTINUOUSLY RAISED PREMIUMS, AND DUE TO THIS, MANY COMPANIES ARE NO LONGER PROVIDING COVERAGE FOR THEIR EMPLOYEES, LEAVING A RECORD NUMBER OF AMERICANS UNINSURED.

MY PLAN TO FIX THIS PROBLEM IS SIMPLE: GIVE EVERY AMERICAN COVERAGE. EVERYONE WILL HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE WITH LOWER PREMIUMS THAN BEFORE. THE GOVERNMENT WILL PROVIDE SUBSIDIES TO THOSE WHO NEED HELP PAYING FOR THE INSURANCE. NO ONE WILL GO WITHOUT – NO MATTER YOUR AGE, YOUR SALARY, OR YOUR MEDICAL NEEDS. BUSINESSES WILL BE CONTRIBUTING TO THEIR EMPLOYEES’ WELL BEING IN A GREATER WAY THAN EVER BEFORE BY FUNDING PART OF THIS COST.

TOGETHER, WE CAN HELP OUR COUNTRY RECOVER. WE NEED TO BELIEVE IN AND CREATE AFFORDABLE AND ACCESSIBLE UNIVERSAL HEALTHCARE. FAMILIES LIKE BILLY’S SHOULD NO LONGER HAVE TO FACE PILES OF MEDICAL BILLS THAT THEY CANNOT PAY. I BELIEVE THAT WE CAN MAKE THIS CHANGE, SO MUCH SO, THAT BY THE TIME BILLY DOES GRADUATE FROM MEDICAL SCHOOL, HIS PATIENTS WILL NOT HAVE TO SACRIFICE IN ORDER TO SURVIVE.

THANK YOU.

emulation project, article 2

In the Studio

Jamie Cullum Fights Heat with Cool Jazz

Album - London Rain
Due Out - May
Producer - Alan Bates

It’s 80 degrees inside a studio in Santa Barbara, California, and Jamie Cullum isn’t breaking a sweat – yet. He sits at a piano, brow furrowed in concentration as he attempts to pick out the notes to Pharrell Williams’ Baby. Williams looks on, visibly impressed, as Cullum fuses jazz vocals with rhythmic, gritty beats. “The air conditioning broke, but we’ve got something great going on right now, so we’ll stay til we melt,” the Neptunes producer says. “The sound of this just feels to good to stop.”
An energetic mix of jazz and rap is exactly what underscores and propels Cullum’s new album, London Rain. The 11 tracks planned for the album are a departure from typical contemporary jazz, however the smoky vocals infused with crossover vibes from swing, R&B, hip hop, and pop is similar to the genre blur of his previous album, 2005’s Catching Tales, except with a little more edge. Besides collaborating with Williams, Cullum has also worked with Kanye West, John Legend, and Joy Division to create an.
“The last record was a great prelude for this one,” says Cullum. “But I take jazz and stretch it to its furthest limits this time.” The buoyant tempos mixed with seductive jazz cadences are evident in “Once Again” and “Wrong,” with a salsa influence manifesting itself in “Stars Out Tonight.” Cullum even beatboxes on “Didn’t You?”
“Yeah, I beatbox at every concert, since I like to do a lot of covers, and people kept asking me when I was going to actually record a track like that,” Cullum says. “Then Justin [Timberlake] comes to me and says ‘I wrote this, and I want you to see what you can do with it.’ I wasn’t going to turn that down.”
However, a jazz record isn’t complete without brooding ballads, and a cover of Sinatra’s “I’ll Be Seeing You” and the original “On My Mind” are almost operatic in their composition. Cullum manages to stay true to his roots, though, paying homage to his hometown of Essex, including sounds recorded on the streets of Essex in the undoubtedly piano-driven “London Rain.”
“I felt like shit when I wrote that song, I was going through a lot,” Cullum says. “I tried to make it as raw and real as possible yet uplifting.”
The result is an album that is an eclectic mix of elements anchored by a jazz core. “A lot of people say I’m pretty young to be trying to completely revitalize the jazz genre,” the self-taught Cullum says. “But I’m not sure exactly what I’m doing, and I’m not sure I care, as long as I keep my jazz cool and my beats hot!”

emulation project, article 1

In the Studio

Inside the Yeah Yeah Yeah’s Rural Retreat

Album - It’s Blitz
Due Out -April
Producers - Nick Launay, Dave Sitek

The Yeah Yeah Yeahs were huddled over hot cocoa and roasting chestnuts in rural Massachusetts barn-turned-studio when they wrote “Zero” – a synth-charged dance-floor anthem that became the linchpin for their third full-length album, It’s Blitz. “I feel like my Karen O persona was born on the dance floor, so I really started playing around with that kind of stuff,” says the singer. “It’s purely feel-good song, and it’s impossible not to want to dance to it. For three days after we wrote ‘Zero,’ I was high because of that song.”
The boost of energy provided by “Zero” galvanized the trio and helped them move past the melancholy vibe of their previous album, 2006’s Show Your Bones. “That record felt so dark in many, many ways,” says guitarist Nick Zinner. “We were happy and thankful not to go back to that place.” The uptempo groove continue on “Heads Will Roll,” where O chants, “Off, off, off with you head!/Dance, dance, dance till you’re dead,” over a massive bass line and an orchestral synth sample. Even the weepers are sort of energizing: “Skeletons” and “Soft Shock” both crescendo from lullaby to rallying cry in under five minutes. “The new songs have an uplifting quality that we’ve never had before,” says Zinner.
For the first time, the band members recorded outside their hometowns – O lives in Los Angeles, Zinner and drummer Brian Chase in New York. Besides working in Massachusetts, the trio camped out for several weeks at a 1,700-acre pecan orchard in Tornillo, Texas, with producer Nick Launay (he helmed the YYYs’ 2007 Is Is EP). “We wanted to go somewhere where we could be detached in our own little word,” says O. (They also worked for a few weeks in Brooklyn with TV on the Radio’s Dave Sitek.) The process, Zinner says, ended up being the band’s most collaborative record yet. “It was all three of us working together, unless someone wanted to be left alone,” says the guitarist. “We were all up in each other’s shit.”
In the end, O is satisfied that the group came up with an album that will surprise and please its fans. “We’re always gonna have Yeah Yeah Yeahs hooks and energy,” says O. “But we came up with something new that we’ve never heard before from ourselves. Less angst and more positivity, man!”

what is real?

So, I had an assignment for my PR writing class...I had to type up an article from Rolling Stone & then write an 'emulation' piece in the same style. Then the prof & the class heard me read both and then voted on which one was the bona fide Rolling Stone article...want to play? The following two posts will be either the real or emulation, emulation or real...guess!

you did WHAT? with whom?!

Yesterday, while studying with a friend of mine (studying being a loosely used term, we were actually talking about everything except for our statistics quiz we were supposed to be preparing for), he commented to me, “So my girlfriend wanted to go Facebook official with me today, but I hit ‘deny.’”

Aside from my initial shock that she was still his girlfriend after being rejected, I recognized a broader social scope of Facebook than I had realized before.

A topic often addressed these days when job searching, friend searching, and even date searching is the usefulness and effectiveness of Facebook. Someone’s profile can either make or break any of these connections, and what people post on their profiles explicitly allows not only their close friends but also their 300 other “friends” to view and therefore pass judgment on.

However, besides racy photos and rude wallposts, an often overlooked feature that also can affect one’s connections is the ubiquitous relationship status.

Along with obvious choices such as “Single,” “In a Relationship with,” “Engaged,” and “Married,” there are also the more dubious statuses of “In an Open Relationship with,” and “It’s Complicated with.”

How one fills this out is seen, at least by my peers, as a reflection of their personality. Some people, mostly girls, often put themselves in a relationship with their closest friends and see the feature as a joke, although at one point my mother wasn’t too happy with possible employers seeing me in a relationship with another girl despite my heterosexuality.

Others take it more seriously. “Facebook official” is a campus-wide term for finally announcing to everyone you know – and even a lot of people you don’t know but you added at some point because they were cute – that you are, in fact, off the market.

Conversely, when a Facebook breakup happens, it’s not just gossip between your closest friends or housemates, that person you talked to twice in the hallways way back in high school wants to give you a shoulder to cry on – or maybe even contribute further toward you getting over your ex. I’ve heard a lot of my girlfriends lament, “My ex never got on Facebook, but the second we broke up, he changed his relationship status to single so fast my friends knew before I even told them!”

What has the world come to? Is it really that important to broadcast your entire life, good and bad, to not only the whole campus but also everyone you have come into contact since you started a profile? The relationship status feature is truly one that irks me due to the amount of attention it gets for being what is: a gossip generator.

So the next time you enter into a relationship with someone so amazing that you can’t wait to post it to Facebook, aka tell the entire world, think of this: Do you also want the entire world to know when (and wonder why) your significant other stopped thinking you’re so amazing?

that girl

Once upon a time there was a little girl. A girl who thought she was different, who knew she was creative and beautiful and capable and passionate about life. A girl who carried her head held high, no matter the circumstances, and who always tried her best to do what was right. She looked out for others, and although she did not let herself get walked on, she let others form their opinions of her, good or bad, because she was confident in all of her choices. This girl never was lonely, because she knew she could count on her friends and family. She cried, but never much because she always looked toward a bright future. So smart, and oh, was she beautiful. Sparkling blue eyes with dark hair, a voice that was unafraid to sing loudly and legs willing to dance badly, perfectly suited mouth to pretend to pout when she wasn’t getting her way, and tiny figure with a big bust that always seemed to draw in the opposite sex.

And boy oh boys – did she draw them in. Boys of all ages, men of all types, blonde, dark-haired, tall, short, athletic, musical, intelligent, adventurous, it was as if a magnetic force had them come to her. And when they came to her, she laughed and played along, and quickly grew bored and moved on to the next one.

This girl was not uncaring – she just was uninspired. She did not know what she was missing, and it did not bother her because she was unaware she was missing anything at all. Her girl friends were equally wonderful and vibrant, sharing the same enthusiasm for life. Her parents were not always fair, but they loved their youngest child, their little girl, for being the brilliant and ever-surprising glue that held their family together. Her brother cared for his little sister so much, despite her often continuous petulance in his presence, she was a good deal of his entire world because of the secrets and healthy sibling bond they shared, always remembering to call her every single day when they were both away at school.

And so. This girl – wonderful, but not without faults – one day met a new boy.
And not just any boy – a blonde, green-eyed boy who took her by surprise, filling her head with hopes and dreams that even she did not picture, making her future brighter than ever, he showed her the world in a different light, a light that entered a prism and came out so beautiful and so colorful, that she wondered how she ever pictured the future before.

However, she did not wonder for long, because the boy was always there to love her, to kiss her, to whisper secrets in her ear, to share jokes and quick glances across tables full of their friends, to hold her hand, to listen to her and talk to her, to teach her, to hold her when she needed to cry, to make her laugh, to share her entire world.

The darkness crept in the present, despite the blinding vibrance of the future. The girl’s parents did not understand or know what came over their live-in-the-moment daughter, they began to worry that the boy was making problems. Her brother became over protective and refused to speak the boy’s name in public. Her friends worried that perhaps she was neglecting them for a boy that was making promises a boy should never make.

But still, the girl and boy were so very happy….oh, they defined love. Their love surpassed that of any star-crossed lovers ever to exist – or at least, that’s what they told each other as they cuddled in the dark, whispering and wondering why for once in their entire lives it was better to be awake rather than asleep, dreaming. Every second they spent together became more and more sacred, more priceless, but then…something happened.

Neither the girl nor the boy were sure what caused the seams to rip in their perfect love, but the darkness seeped in nonetheless. There was fighting, there was yelling, there were tears, slamming doors, sleepless nights spent alone, and bitter words that tasted so horrible on her tongue that the little girl threw up over and over.

And the boy was unsure of what to do – so he did what was easiest. He withdrew from the situation, he left the little girl alone.

Where were her parents? Where was her brother? Where were her friends? They were all there, waiting for her, but the little girl could not see past her own despair to allow them to heal her wounds. Every night she lay awake and ripped open the wounds, crying salty tears into them until they stung. Every day, she dragged herself around, avoiding sunlight, avoiding the love her family and friends so freely offered to her, hating life, hating everyone.

Eventually – it never hurt less, she just learned how to try to forget. She let her friends and family in and tried to let their love heal her tortured heart. However, she had lost something even more important – half of her soul. And she wasn’t exactly sure how to get it back. Each day that passed, she tried anger, she tried reason, she tried everything, but all that she could feel for the boy was love. But loving him was just as bad as loving someone who didn’t exist, because he would have none of it….

This girl, so beautiful with so much potential, she refused to fall apart. But simply refusing does not keep something from happening.

And that is why the rest of this story must remain unwritten… for now.

Because it must be rewritten over and over with new adjectives, with new nouns and new verbs, although the plot remains the same: there is always a girl. And there is always a boy.

And there is never an ending.

hello.

well, this is mostly for me, i guess? but i'm willing to share with you, if you would like.

it's everything in my head: musings, writings, wonderings, etc...

feel free to join me. grab a cup of coffee, read a bunch of posts. or just click on one and move on to the next blog. either way? you've probably made my day.