Thursday, January 29, 2009

that girl

Once upon a time there was a little girl. A girl who thought she was different, who knew she was creative and beautiful and capable and passionate about life. A girl who carried her head held high, no matter the circumstances, and who always tried her best to do what was right. She looked out for others, and although she did not let herself get walked on, she let others form their opinions of her, good or bad, because she was confident in all of her choices. This girl never was lonely, because she knew she could count on her friends and family. She cried, but never much because she always looked toward a bright future. So smart, and oh, was she beautiful. Sparkling blue eyes with dark hair, a voice that was unafraid to sing loudly and legs willing to dance badly, perfectly suited mouth to pretend to pout when she wasn’t getting her way, and tiny figure with a big bust that always seemed to draw in the opposite sex.

And boy oh boys – did she draw them in. Boys of all ages, men of all types, blonde, dark-haired, tall, short, athletic, musical, intelligent, adventurous, it was as if a magnetic force had them come to her. And when they came to her, she laughed and played along, and quickly grew bored and moved on to the next one.

This girl was not uncaring – she just was uninspired. She did not know what she was missing, and it did not bother her because she was unaware she was missing anything at all. Her girl friends were equally wonderful and vibrant, sharing the same enthusiasm for life. Her parents were not always fair, but they loved their youngest child, their little girl, for being the brilliant and ever-surprising glue that held their family together. Her brother cared for his little sister so much, despite her often continuous petulance in his presence, she was a good deal of his entire world because of the secrets and healthy sibling bond they shared, always remembering to call her every single day when they were both away at school.

And so. This girl – wonderful, but not without faults – one day met a new boy.
And not just any boy – a blonde, green-eyed boy who took her by surprise, filling her head with hopes and dreams that even she did not picture, making her future brighter than ever, he showed her the world in a different light, a light that entered a prism and came out so beautiful and so colorful, that she wondered how she ever pictured the future before.

However, she did not wonder for long, because the boy was always there to love her, to kiss her, to whisper secrets in her ear, to share jokes and quick glances across tables full of their friends, to hold her hand, to listen to her and talk to her, to teach her, to hold her when she needed to cry, to make her laugh, to share her entire world.

The darkness crept in the present, despite the blinding vibrance of the future. The girl’s parents did not understand or know what came over their live-in-the-moment daughter, they began to worry that the boy was making problems. Her brother became over protective and refused to speak the boy’s name in public. Her friends worried that perhaps she was neglecting them for a boy that was making promises a boy should never make.

But still, the girl and boy were so very happy….oh, they defined love. Their love surpassed that of any star-crossed lovers ever to exist – or at least, that’s what they told each other as they cuddled in the dark, whispering and wondering why for once in their entire lives it was better to be awake rather than asleep, dreaming. Every second they spent together became more and more sacred, more priceless, but then…something happened.

Neither the girl nor the boy were sure what caused the seams to rip in their perfect love, but the darkness seeped in nonetheless. There was fighting, there was yelling, there were tears, slamming doors, sleepless nights spent alone, and bitter words that tasted so horrible on her tongue that the little girl threw up over and over.

And the boy was unsure of what to do – so he did what was easiest. He withdrew from the situation, he left the little girl alone.

Where were her parents? Where was her brother? Where were her friends? They were all there, waiting for her, but the little girl could not see past her own despair to allow them to heal her wounds. Every night she lay awake and ripped open the wounds, crying salty tears into them until they stung. Every day, she dragged herself around, avoiding sunlight, avoiding the love her family and friends so freely offered to her, hating life, hating everyone.

Eventually – it never hurt less, she just learned how to try to forget. She let her friends and family in and tried to let their love heal her tortured heart. However, she had lost something even more important – half of her soul. And she wasn’t exactly sure how to get it back. Each day that passed, she tried anger, she tried reason, she tried everything, but all that she could feel for the boy was love. But loving him was just as bad as loving someone who didn’t exist, because he would have none of it….

This girl, so beautiful with so much potential, she refused to fall apart. But simply refusing does not keep something from happening.

And that is why the rest of this story must remain unwritten… for now.

Because it must be rewritten over and over with new adjectives, with new nouns and new verbs, although the plot remains the same: there is always a girl. And there is always a boy.

And there is never an ending.


well, this is mostly for me, i guess? but i'm willing to share with you, if you would like.

it's everything in my head: musings, writings, wonderings, etc...

feel free to join me. grab a cup of coffee, read a bunch of posts. or just click on one and move on to the next blog. either way? you've probably made my day.