Monday, May 4, 2009

king me, baby

"Always walk around like you have on an invisible tiara." - Paris Hilton

The phrase "high maintenance" and I are not strangers. I have been referred to as such, as well as a litany of other phrases (a personal favorite being "Jewish American Princess") by various friends, boyfriends, and family members. But, living in a world where those in power are those who know what they want & subsequently seek it out, what's wrong with being a little bit demanding now and then?

Don't get me wrong. I am definitely not a Veruca Salt character, demanding to have the best anything and everything before anyone else does. That aside, I know what nice things are, and, to put it quite simply, I like nice things. If you think this means I dress solely in designer brands, then you probably will be disappointed to find out that 80% of my outfit generally comes from Target or Old Navy. When it comes to fashion & accessorizing, the most important thing to me is knowing what good taste and style is and being able to replicate it on the cheap. And sure, it might take me several hours to get ready in the morning, but I have never heard a complaint about what I walk out of the house looking like (from anyone except my mother, she's extra picky sometimes). If time is the bigger investment I make in getting ready, rather than the clothes themselves, then it's my capital to spend how I want. However, that doesn't mean I'm going to settle for a .5 carat diamond engagement ring either. Big ticket items such as that are an entirely different story...

Another component of my supposed snob status is apparently that I know how I wish to be treated by others, and I'm not afraid to tell them so. In return, I do my best not to have a double standard in regards to how I treat others. It's important to me to explicitly state what I expect from others, because if I do so, then there is little room for error. This leads to less chance for confrontation. If everyone did this, a lot of misunderstandings and anger could be wholly avoided. How hard is it to not do something you've been warned not to do? Even if you may find it a bit trying, I can tell you that it's a lot easier than trying to just guess what lines you can't cross.

Finally, the last reason why others may see me as "too much:" my confidence. Sometimes it's mere bravado, but generally I have a high opinion of myself. Some would refer to this as arrogance. True, one of my weaknesses is that I can't walk by a mirror without looking in it - but that's so that I can fix my hair, not gaze at my own beauty. To be honest, I have the exact same insecurities as any 21-year-old co-ed. I'm just better at internalizing or hiding it. If you talk the talk, it's much easier to walk the walk. I was never one to sit in the shadows and wait for life to happen to me, and even if I'm having a bad day, I can usually convince myself of something good about myself. There's so much to love about life, and it's easier to love anything or anyone if you start with loving yourself. I have been known to respond to compliments from guys with "I know" instead of "thank you," but come on, as flattering as whatever compliment it is, it's just a line in a bar. Experience has taught me not to depend upon others to build up my own self esteem or confidence, and therefore I often self affirm.

If caring about how I look, am treated by others, and liking myself make me seem a little finicky or aloof at times, so be it. Setting the bar high merely means that I never will settle. And, if not settling makes someone high maintenance, that means that every beautiful, respected, and confident girl thinks she is a princess. In that case, go ahead and crown me, because I love who I am - and I'm certainly not going to change for anyone.

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