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"Whoever said, 'It's not whether you win or lose that counts,' probably lost." - Martina Navratilova
As finals approach and the semester draws to a close, many college students can't help but wonder how time passed so quickly, and I am no different. Over the course of the last two semesters, a lot has occurred, and being the competitive personality that I am, I have definitely kept score. So how will my junior year be marked down in this chapter of my life, as a victory or defeat? I've never worked harder in my life on anything before this year, whether it be academics, athletics, or relationships. All three have been incredibly tumultuous as well as taxing in their own right.
Classes this year have been harder than ever. Statistics quickly became the bane of my existence; the combination of numbers, letters, hypotheses, and graphs at often times seems like an entire other language to me. Yet, I also took the most rewarding course in my entire academic history. For those of you attending IU, journalism majors or otherwise, I recommend J349, Public Relations writing, with Jim Parham. Beyond merely a writing class, Jim restored my confidence in my writing as well as expanded my repertoire of types of pieces I was capable of producing, from speeches to emulation pieces to crisis plans. A lot of my work from that class is showcased on this blog. In fact, I doubt I would have even written this blog if not for this class. A man who has met many people and done a lot of admirable things throughout his life as well as the current COO of Hirons, a major PR agency, Jim showed me so many different facets of the PR industry. He also was unafraid to constructively criticize and give our class the kick in the ass we needed to bring out the best in ourselves and reflect it in our writing. Thanks to him, I not only have a portfolio I am proud of to show potential employers, but also the confidence to believe that I have the skills & talent to achieve the job of my dreams.
However, not all dreams came to fruition this year. I did not ride in the Little 500 race, as I had been planning since last year. However, cycling has played a major role in my life in the last year, especially when it comes to dealing with stress, so I am definitely not giving it up. In fact, I have begun training to be a triathlete. The cross training will definitely help me not only stay in shape but become a better athlete in all three sports. It will also give me a great outlet for extra energy as well as a way to deal with any anxiety.
As for relationships...I'm not sure where to start. I thought I had it all in August, and quickly the relationships with those I loved deteriorated. At one point last semester, I was unable to carry on a conversation with anyone close to me without arguing. Following an admittedly messy breakup with a questionable boyfriend, I decided to reevaluate and reprioritize. Since then, I have become much closer with my parents & brother. Home in Indianapolis has become more than a place for me to run away to when the going gets tough in Bloomington. I love and appreciate my family for giving me the time to work out what I needed to and a second chance to show them that I do care about them very much. New friendships have been formed back on campus, and I am thankful and blessed to have the wonderful people I now surround myself with.
It's exhausting to try to recall all of my memories from over the last school year. I am not really sure whether I laughed more or cried more. I don't know how exactly many quizzes I failed or tests I passed, friends I made or friends I lost, personal records I broke or times I could not beat. But really? I can't argue with the results. Any way you add up my triumphs & tragedies from the last few months, you get winning results: lessons learned, new goals to strive for, and being lucky enough to have the most amazing people in the world to celebrate future victories with.
"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." - Winston Churchill
Growing up, my parents encouraged me to become involved in as many activities as possible. However, they gave me one caveat: Once I chose to start something, I was never allowed to quit until the season or year was over.
When I was a feisty tomboy who wanted to grow up to be just like her older brother, it was sports for me: figure skating, Little League baseball and later softball. Once I got to middle school, my creativity and obsessive organization guided my extracurricular choices: Student Council secretary, yearbook, literary magazine, drama club, and several academic competition teams. After that, the second I set foot in high school and joined a class of over 800, I was determined to find my niche. Between being a member of varsity speech team, serving on Student Council executive board, being selected as a managing editor of the newspaper, acting in several plays, and being picked to co-chair for the National Honor Society's Riley Children's Hospital fundraising concert, I probably spent more time at North Central than I did at home.
However, after graduating high school, I wanted to go somewhere bigger. 800 seemed like a small number to me, and so I came to Indiana University, where the student population as a whole was about 40,000. Students from all 50 states, and according to various campus websites, over 130 countries, inhabit this beautiful campus and attend classes in the same buildings, walk down the same paths, and visit the same hangouts as I do. And I was determined to find my way and get to know as many of them as possible.
Sorority rush was not a choice to me. My high school had had a sorority, and despite its questionable reputation, I was jealous of the bond that the girls had shared. Right away, I signed up for the intensive recruitment process, visiting all 19 on-campus sorority houses. I braved the cold outdoors for two days, in between each house checking my makeup in my mirror to make sure my eyeliner hadn't smeared, that my ponytail was as perky as my personality, and that my smile was just as white as it had been at the last chapter. When I returned early from winter break & received a list of houses that had chosen to invite me back, I went through the same process again and again, narrowing the field of possibilities, until finally I found the perfect fit. I was incredibly lucky, because the perfect fit also found me.
Sigma Delta Tau has been one of the greatest and yet often most trying experiences of my life. It soon became more than a social activity to me, throughout pledgeship I formed a bond with girls I probably would never have known without the house. Living (and sleeping in) the same room with about 80 other girls has filled my time here at IU with more wonderful experiences than one can hope to get in a lifetime: getting together to write a pledge class song, putting on skits for one another, painting sidewalks of fraternities for homecoming & Little 500, attempting intramural sports, late nights spent talking when we were supposed to be studying, watching Gossip Girl or Grey's Anatomy on the big red couch, Jiffy Treet runs when we can't fight those late-night ice cream cravings. Hand in hand with the great memories are also the not-as-wonderful ones: elections at chapter that seem unbearably long, gossip and secrets traded between sisters that hurt (but are meaningless a week later), ever-changing friendships, and mandatory events that happen to go late the night before a big test. Never before had I ever wanted to be a part of something...that at times, I also just wanted to quit. And every time I called up my mom jubilant over being elected fundraising chair or excited for a formal, there was also a time I called her crying over catty, unnecessary drama.
Don't get me wrong - these girls are amazing. But put 80 women together in one house, and you will understand my point. So, despite being in the house, I needed to find something else, beyond the norm, to feel truly comfortable. I wanted something of my own to help me find peace when I could not handle my day - sorority-induced drama or otherwise. And that is how I discovered cycling.
I'm in no way a great cyclist. My friend Mike calls me 'Lance Armstrong with a ponytail,' but don't believe him, my ITTs are far from impressive, and half the time I ride with him, I end up too out of breath to actually be able to ask him to slow down. But on a campus that looks forward every year to the Little 500 cycling race, which, despite the name, is in no way a small occurrence, I love the time I spend on two wheels, speeding down a street, up a hill, or around the track. Less than 1% of the student body even rides in Little 500, so it has been an honor to even train for it. Every time I am stressed out, overwhelmed, disappointed, or confused, I can find solace on my bike. Even after my 28 year old cousin unexpectedly passed away last February, when I didn't want to get out of bed to drag myself to class, I made sure to show up to track times to complete my Little 500 rookie hours. After my boyfriend of eight months dumped me finals week last semester, I logged a lot of hours at the gym on the stationary bike, and I credit my phenomenal finals test grades to working through my confusion and anger on the bike. Yet biking is not reserved solely for sad times, I am an enthusiastic and energetic co-ed, and sometimes I need somewhere to expend my energy. It's fun to discover new trails around Bloomington, to try to beat my last time up Boltinghouse Hill, and to enjoy an afternoon outside biking with friends. I have gotten to know many riders and feel a part of an acitivity that is integral to this campus's culture.
With the Little 500 race less than a month off, I'm not sure if I will be selected to be one of the final members on my sorority's team of 4. But I am sure that I will always have cycling in my life. It has helped me help myself and also given me a great amount of joy. Through it, I have been able to center and balance in order to make the sorority house a real home, work through my problems, celebrate my success, and comfort my sorrows. It's crazy to imagine that a simple hunk of titanium and rubber is what persuades me to never quit or despair. Yet, when I think about it, cycling actually encourages me to find the strength within myself, so that no matter what happens, I can tell myself to not give up.
